Where are you? Friends? Who never told you’re going to be absent? You, virtual friends who made my world to grow. And get more multifaceted. You, who spoke to me and said good morning when l just was going to bed, a bit ashamed over my late habits. Who got my brain to understand our planet was a living planet all around the clock. This is one of the disadvantage when you make friends in this world. This pretended friends, you never meet in real life, IRL. And what about it? Do l ought to be sad or sorry to lose them? Do I have to realise this is a stupid world? Or shall I join those friends of mine, even if I in a future just miss them. And they not appear anymore? Without any sign about their disappearance? In real life friends also disappear. 

During some years by now I have find myself very good to find different explanations in my head why they are absent. Oh it is summerholiday I sometimes think about friends living at southern part of our globe. When the winterhurricane roar outside my window. But they never appeared again. And I have seen the celebration of holy days in other religions as the reason when some of my friends are absent, but mostly they return. I had a friend who announced she was going for a journey, and I wished her a safe flight. Never heard from her again. And didn’t read anything about any flightaccident. 

Although her visits at theese site we met, was very sporadic, we enjoyed our meeting. Now she is gone. Haven’t seen her last six month. Sad. And the sadness get deeper when I never get to know the cause of her disappearance. But this is the new world. Which, as I said, includes this disadvantages. Anyhow, it will not stop me to make new friends all the time. 

Yesterday I was told by an american player, he had put me on his friend list. We didn’t play together but met as opponents. His partner was a player wellknown by me since earlier. A player with a very bad behavior. And when he and I had played together some while ago I made him blacklisted by me. As a precaution I not would spend and waste time with this rude player in future. Yesterday as our opponent, he bid and made a slam, and after all he is rather smart, to figure out where the cards are and how to play them so his opponents doesn’t get any trick, or as less as possible. But in communication with his partner he is a disaster. And playing bridge is like dancing Tango, it takes two. When he had played the hand his partner said; even if you made this hand very nice I will still keep you in my ”list of shit”, as a kind of explanation he didn’t like his partner. I told the player who said so, even you? I have blacklisted that player since earlier because of rudeness. 

After the tourney I was contacted by this american, and he told me he had put me as his friend, if it okey for me? So the balance in world stays. One on ”shitlist”and one new friend. 

There was a swedish composer who wrote about terror balance in late fifties. Does he know how right he was?

But after all I make many many more friends to whom I continue my friendship, than I meet unpleasant people. And my list of friends are growing day by day.

But my list of absent friends I never know what happened to, is also getting extended. When I think of them, it is a sad feeling inside me. IRL we mostly get to know why they disappeared, either an advertisement, an obituary in my newspaper or I get told by the related or some friend. And you can put an end of that relationship in your mind. At my age this kind of news is not very odd. At my age funerals happens more often than wedding and baptism. 

But I like to know what happened. And when. Sometimes my curiousity never gets answered. 

I remember once when ”bridge at net” just had started in my life. My mentor from Örebro introduced me in this club I participate daily by now. We met two ladies, who didn’t do the most excellent play. But oh how fun they had. Smalltalk and giggling about their bad play during the game. I really envied them their relaxed behavior. And they didn’t seem sorry for their loss. As I still was a beginner at net, I didn’t follow their english so good. But I heard them say; sis, to each other so I understand they were siblings. I asked them if they were sisters and again, giggling – they said they were. And so the time passed by. Kala, one of the ladies and I talked a lot during times and Kala as well as I was curious about other parts of the world. I remember when I spoke to her about a holiday we had that very day – Kristi himmelfärdsdag – and I put myself in a very hard position. My still bad english and explanation how Jesus get to heaven that very day, and I tried to do it as serious as I was able to. Afterward I wrote about it in my blog how to express something about swedish traditions in a foreign language, how difficult is was to me. And of course I never mention any person without their permission, so I had to ask Kala. She laughed at me and wanted to read it. Well, I said it is in swedish. But sent the link to her. Next day she told me she were proud to be in my blog. But you don’t know what l have written about you, I protested, it’s all in swedish. Yes I know, she said and at that time she told me how she asked her brother to help her. How to copy my story and paste it an a translator and now she were able to read it, hocus pocus, sim sala bim!! As a magic finesse. One old lady teach another old lady. 

Kala is nowadays at my list with absent friends, but I know when and how it happened when she died. Because we were told about it by her sister as in reality wasn’t her sister. They were very very close friends and they felt as near as sisters, pretended sisters the remaining lady told me. I didn’t get to know it as long as Kala were alive. And I still see them as those sisters who told me how close friends you can get at net. My friend Vicky in Canada, I can’t get into my head, I can’t understand she isn’t  a real friend, in real life…….IRL!